10 Tips for dealing with wasps

1) Don't wear sweet smelling perfume or after shave. Ode de Strawberry jam will attract wasps from miles away.

2) Don't drink from cans unless you want a lip like a bouncy castle.

3) Keep your windows closed, sweating is good and it will help you lose weight.

4) If you've got fruit trees, chop them down. You probably don't eat the fruit and it will save you having to pick it up when it's gone rotten.

5) Always keep a swatter handy. I carry one in a holster.

6) "They won't hurt you if you leave them alone," believe that rubbish at your own peril.

7) Never let a wasp escape through an open door or window. Whack it.

8) Ignore the notion that if you kill a wasp all its mates will come to get you. Wasps are too nasty to have mates.

9) If you've got a wasps' nest in your attic, garden or shed, deal with it because it won't get any smaller.

10) Invest in a couple of wasp catchers and hang them by your windows. They really do work.

10a) If you know somebody who hates wasps send them this link.