Christmas Tree Blues

No, it's not a song, it's the feeling I get when it's time to put the Christmas tree up again. The question is, will it be artificial or real????

When it comes to the Christmas decorations in our house my wife wears the pants. I do nothing except pay out for whichever whim takes her fancy.

The late and great Harry Chapin wrote a song called, 'All my Life's a Circle', and that's how it is with me and Christmas trees. If we had a real one last year, I know we'll be changing to an artificial one this year. I like that because the artifical ones usually stay for two years before we change back to real. It goes something like this.

"I think we'll have an artificial tree this year," she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I've gone off real trees."


"That real tree we had last year smelt horrible and the needles got all over the place. Besides that, just think of the money we'll save by not having to buy a fresh tree every year," she said.

"But that's exactly what you said last time we changed from real to artificial," I argued. "The last three artificial trees we've had all finished up in the tip. Why should this one be any different?"

"Because they make them better now, I've seen some real beauties in the shops, and just think about how you won't have to struggle to get a real one into the car. You won't have to wander about in the cold either while I choose one. Plus, you won't have to cut a chunk off the bottom of the trunk so that it'll fit into the stand."

"Okay," I surrender again, but if we are going to go for artifical this year we had better stick to it."

"Of course we will, I've really gone off real trees," she solemly declared.

Two years later I know I will be faced with the opposite side of the argument.

I think we'll go back to having a real tree this year," she'll say.

"Why?" I'll ask.

I've gone off artificial trees," she'll say.

"Why?" I'll ask.

"Because they look false and they don't conjour up the real spirit of Christmas." she'll say.

"What will we do with the artificial one?" I'll ask, even though I already know the answer.

"Take it to the rubbish tip," she'll say, "we won't be needing that horrible thing again."

Does anybody else recognise this scenario or does it only happen to me?