Some observations on smoking

Don't underestimate willpower, It's a marvellous thing! A few years ago, I was thinking of packing up smoking, so I gave it a try and I packed it up for three whole days. However, once I'd proved that I had the willpower and could give up at any time I started again.

When I was a smoker I used to think what a shame it would be for anybody to give up smoking, but then to die before they got the chance to start again.

I used to work with a bloke who was so addicted to cigarettes that he had to get up five times a night for a smoke.

My dad used to smoke woodbines while cycling to work and coughed most of the way.

"You really ought to pack up the cigarettes dad," I said one day while riding alongside him.

"Nothing wrong with the cigarettes," he replied, "it's the pollution from all of these cars that's the problem. The smoke from them is more dangerous than cigarette smoke."

I laughed at his foolishness, but years later I had a thought. If I filled two small rooms with smoke, one from cigarettes and the other from the exhaust of a car, which one would you prefer to spend a couple of hours in? Makes you think, doesn't it.

Some of the most miserable people I've ever met were people who had packed up smoking.

Before I had my heart attack and took some good advice to stop smoking, I actually smoked a pipe. I reckon it made me look rather suave and sophisticated. Anyway, after my first wife left me, I went to the odd disco and nightclub looking for a replacement and enjoyed a pipe full of tobacco and a pint or two while I did so. To be honest I wasn't having much luck when it came to quenching my sexual desires, but help was at hand (no, I don't mean literally). One night I was leaning on the bar, looking rather sad and lonely, when another bloke leaned across and whispered in my ear.

"You'll never pull a woman with that thing hanging out of your mouth," he said. I thought about it for a few seconds, and he was right.